26 Confessions

So a few years ago on facebook I did this exercise where I confessed 25 things about myself. As I was going through and purging things today I came across this note and laughed. Upon reading it I stopped to think about how much I have changed in the past 2 years but also about how I held so much back the first time around. It's funny because sometimes these moments feel like just yesterday and other times they feel like a million years ago. Nonetheless I thought the exercise was still quite valuable. So today I celebrate my 26 years of life and the many more to come by confessing 26 things about myself ... no holding back.

1. God and my faith are a big part of my life even though I tend to remain pretty private on my beliefs, I am willing to talk about them if people just ask.
2. I love my family for so many reasons but most of all because they have been the rock and strength in my life through so many situations. They have also caused a ton of the chaos in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. I have an obsession with music most of my friends have never heard of. As such some people deem me a hipster... I think I just like good music.
4. I feel socially awkward 99% of the time.
5. Crossfit saved me from destroying myself. However, I break myself down on a daily basis to become stronger through crossfit. It seems so counter intuitive but i never felt more amazing than the days after a workout where I completely wrecked myself.
6. The one time I truly let myself go and let myself love another unconditionally I had my heartbroken into more pieces than I can count. In response I have learned to love more. Rebuilding the wall I used to hide myself from the world has never been an option.
7. As much as I try to eat healthy I still have a not so secret obsession with chocolate.
8. I love the smell of rain
9. I think that wearing lululemon on a daily basis is not only socially acceptable... but it's just good for the soul.
10. I like to sing Brittany Spears songs as loud as possible when I'm in the shower or driving alone in my car.
11. Without my family and friends I can honestly say I would have given up a long time ago.
12. My Step dad Dana is my hero, he has inspired me to be better, at life, loving others, and my faith in god. I know I couldn't have made it this far without help from him and my mom.
13. As different as we are I can honestly say that my sister is my best friend and the person I want to tell the most to, There are days where I wish she had a bigger presence in my life.
14. I have a desire to change the world... getting there has been a different story, but as long as I am able I will continue to strive and fight for others.
15. I fully believe that every interaction and person who comes into my life is there for a reason. No matter how long or short the interactions are there is always something to be learned.
16. Lifting heavy things gives me a not so secret joy that is hard to explain.
17. There is a difference between being the person you think others want you to be and being the person you were always meant to be.
18. I love the little idiosyncrasies of life. As stupid as things seem sometimes it is those little things that have brought me the most joy out of life.
19. My favorite city in the world is Boston even though its a huge city and it is easy to get lost there... something about it grounds me and makes me feel at ease with being lost... if only for a moment.
20. I would rather live in the snow than by the beach. I love watching the weather change and having real seasons.
21. I never thought I wanted kids until there was a distinct possibility that I may never have a choice in the matter. Now I want lots of kids.
22. As active and crazy as some of my friends might think I am, Thursday nights vegging out in front of the TV watching Grey's Anatomy brings a smile to my face each and every time.
23. Football is the greatest sport to watch ever, I loved going to a Pac 10 school even more because I was able to go to college games every Saturday. Win or Lose we always had fun.
24. I am trying to be a more active participant when I workout and not let myself get lost in the task at hand. The mental game of crossfit has been the hardest to learn and maintain.
25. I am terrible at spelling and grammar, I also tend to over analyse and rethink/ rehash everything I think or read. As such my mind has very little time to just stop and be.
26. I am thankful for everyday of this journey. I wouldn't want to trade my life or experiences with anyone else... even when life is tough.

So what's the obsession with nutrition?

I had a really great dialogue with Holly over at the couch potato athlete this morning about Jenny Craig and what I like to term "box" diet programs. It was this discussion which made me think back to a year ago before I started eating because at one point Holly asked me "how did you learn to eat well?" I really had to think about it for a moment, because as crossfitters we are given a prescription for wellness: Eat Meat, Vegetables, Nuts and Seeds, Some Fruit, Little Starch, No Sugar.

Even with this prescription implementation is the hardest part to learn. There is an evolution between quality and quantity which has to be learned but if it were not for word of mouth and blogs like the whole9, and Robb Wolf's musings which helped me learn about things like coconut oil, and why certain fats are better than others. I received guidance from trainers and was able to ask questions.. This allowed me to change the way I thought about food, yet it was not an overnight change... it took work.

I started where most people looking for answers trying to make sense of what I should eat. So I south beached and Atkins and low fat, and whatever else I could think of to get to what I thought my goals were... to be a skinny girl. I would get results then plateau or fall off the wagon thinking I was "done.  The thing is that none of those "diet's" worked for me because in order to change outside I needed to change my mentality on the inside.  During this entire time it never once occurred to me to evaluate my food quality not quantity. I mean you wouldn't want to put a lower quality of gas in your gas tank so why would you fuel your body that way?  The funny thing is once I started paleo and started talking to people about it and getting guidance as to how food fit in my life the changes I had desperately wanted to see just kinda happened on their own.

Even knowing this prescription and that it works I have struggled. It's hard when my friends don't exactly support my decisions. I have felt alone many times because of the way I eat, and have been harassed at restaurants for ordering "off the menu". I have struggled with falling off the wagon and getting back on, with "cheating" and feeling like crap the next day. I always come back to this lifestyle though because I feel amazing when I eat right its like everything falls into place and I can do anything! So while it may seem "not normal" or a hassle or hard... The benefits have outweighed the costs in my experience.

While it may seem extreme and crazy to completely cut foods out of my diet I have realized in hindsight I was replacing good protein and fats with more carbs from bread and I wasn't treating my body well. I commend anyone who wants to make a change in their life whether it be through a "box" diet or otherwise... but evaluate all the options before starting a program that could lead to failure. Look at the quality, is there a simpler way to eat well? I would argue that simply by eating clean there is the potential to change your body and mind... the need for quick fix diets which still rely on processed prepackaged foods may set you up for failure... even if the portion is small it is still a small portion of something potentially harmful to your body.

Nutrition is the very foundation of the way I live my life, do i "slip", yes I love wine and chocolate! However, I don't beat myself up anymore about it. I enjoy the experience and move on. I am by no means an expert or perfect but eating this way has saved my life... it has made me evaluate what i eat and why i eat it, and that's why nutrition is important to me it has become my lifestyle rather than just another failed "fad" diet.